February 2012
87 posts
Anonymous asked: I agree with the other Anonymous. You are gorgeous.
Anonymous asked: You are so pretty. Every time you post a picture of yourself I am instantly jealous! Seriously.
When you run into one of your kids friend’s parents and they ask you if you are joining the country club you probably shouldn’t answer “Fuck, no” like I just did.
Holy fuck balls, it cost $53.00 to fill up my Honda Civic. That must be some kind of world record.
Overheard at work right now:
“What the fuck? Why does she have to do that in a cunty way? Is it cunt day?”
We are pure class, people, pure class.
1 tag
1 tag
cerebralbeef replied to your post: I want new glasses. My current ones make me look…
That was one of the worst eras to be a serial killer, too.
Actually, I think the 80’s was the worst. Could you imagine torturing someone while wearing shoulder pads or a headband? So gauche.
I want new glasses. My current ones make me look like a 1970’s era serial killer.
Found out yesterday my niece was asked to try out for the Canadian Olympic basketball team. If she makes it I have to rob a bank to go and see her play in London. I’m so excited for her!
Things that shouldn’t bother me are bothering me today. Petty things, I hate my brain for thinking them. Someone kick my ass.
Currently standing in the middle of the lunchroom with a boom box playing Midnight Radio from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, while burning my bra over the garbage can.
TGIFF
Mini-wheats are what dreams are made of.
Yes, I’m baked on Ambien.
Going to stare into the breakfast cereal abyss.
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I’m sitting at work making a mental list of all the things I’m going buy on Sunday when I take my kids cross-border shopping. There isn’t one thing on that list for me. I can’t remember the last time I bought myself anything, it was probably last summer when I went to Las Vegas. I’m such a minimalist but when it comes to my kids they have the best of everything. Weird how that happens. Maybe I’ll...
The 3 stages of social media love:
1) You’re my muse.
2) You’re kind of boring, amuse me.
3) Oh…..hi.
The end.
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Yeah, well fuck you and your “I’m going to SNARK this weekend” bullshit. I’m going to North Dakota to load up on Velveeta Cheese and eat Culver’s burgers with my kids. In your face, losers!
The real irony of a self-proclaimed hipster: their proclamation excludes them from being a hipster which, ironically, is what makes them a hipster. Oh, my poor brain!
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Truthful Tuesday
There’s a sales woman at work that’s so self-involved and obnoxious my greatest joy in life would be to punch her in the face. Instead, I pretend she doesn’t exist.
Other than that, it’s a cracking Tuesday. Love to you all and hope you get banged or some chocolate or some other shit you like.
Happy “thanks for buying me chocolates and fucking up my diet” day. You stupid bastard. XO
Virginity meme
His name was Mike, he was in a band, he had a 2 foot mohawk, full sleeve tattoos, he was gorgeous and oddly chivalrous. I had zero experience with guys, all the girls wanted him but he wanted me. He got me. We dated off and on for 5 years and we still talk every now and again, I’m happy it was him.
I love The Walking Dead, I sat on the edge of my seat watching last night’s episode.
If I have one complaint, the woman always have shaved legs and no pit hair. Sorry, not buying it. Especially if there’s no available access to a shower. Zombies are coming to eat you but you are going to stop and shave your legs/pits in some fucked up creek. Yah, no. Don’t think so.
Bring on...
I don’t miss anyone. Maybe I’m an alien.
I decided to have a quiet few days this past weekend. Of course, that never happened. Spent a lot of time with my extended family and running around but mostly it feels like all I did was eat. Go out for dinner, go out for lunch, go out for brunch, make snack for the kids, make appetizers for friends, make a roast chicken dinner, go to a chocolate shop…Jesus, it was the never ending food...
DTF, not that one, the other one
Try and add “digestive tract flora” in all of your conversations today, it’s fun and people will think you’re fucked but not really care because it’s Monday.
Example:
“Hi, how was your weekend?”
“Great, my digestive tract flora was working well and I went to a movie.”
“……………..”
See! You’ll...
I was asked if I was interested in a sales job last weekend by a friend. This job pays at least 3 times what I make currently. It’s also a super high stress position. I’m torn, I hate the amount of hours I work but I like what I actually do. I’ve had sales jobs previously and I was really good at it but felt like I was selling my soul to the devil every time I made someone buy...
Greatest part about spending time with my family,...
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Guys, I’m trying to get @folkarme to marry me. What the fuck buddy? I’ll tickle your special spot.
Work Meme
I’m the production manager at a small publishing company. That means I supervisor my department (insert hysterical laughter here), talk to clients, design magazines, sit in boring meetings, read Twitter/Tumblr, create advertising and kik message all day.
The company is small, the business model is stuck in the 80s but I love a few people that work here, they make it worth putting pants on...